I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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