i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Everclear isn't food dammit
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
