I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
