She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
