you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
