my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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