an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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