We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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