I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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