Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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