we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
