yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize