Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my being single is dangerous.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
