yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize