You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
