This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
