I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
