Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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