i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
