There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
