I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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