Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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