Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
