i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
