It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
