I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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