True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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