good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
