they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
