I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
