plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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