Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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