bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
