So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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