Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
