I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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