It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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