The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
