Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
