Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
