I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
