I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize