I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
