did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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