The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
