I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
