You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
