I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
