Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
