My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
