You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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