Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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