There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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