Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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