I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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