apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
