before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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