Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
