Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
