I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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