hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
