No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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