I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
