I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
