I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
