Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
