U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
third nipple confirmed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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