I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
