i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
