i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
