haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize